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Reblog - 87,299 notes


i scare people lots because i walk very softly and they don’t hear me enter rooms so when they turn around i’m just kind of there and their fear fuels me

(via sharksanonymous)

Reblog - 73,271 notesoakhunter:

Literally the most beautiful thing ever




*dick hard but i gotta stand up*


did u kno if u flex any muscle fah 60 seconds ya meat will retreat

I went 20 years w/o knowin my dick gotta cheat code, I needa spread tha good word

(via outofthefishtank)


Why would you intentionally eat olives like what in the fuck? are you okay? is someone forcing you to do this? You need me to call the police let me know so we can help you

(Source: blastortoise-chan, via ugly)

Reblog - 4,779 notesnevver:

Fortune cookie
Reblog - 1,079 notes
Reblog - 60,741 notes
Reblog - 51 notesbobschofield:

MAGRITTE. HOMESICKNESS. Call the baker. Let him knowI won’t be coming back.I packed up the houseand took it with me. The way a snail does. With its spine.What the river lacks in charmit makes up for in teeth.I’d scale it, but I’d get wet.Chip my beak along the coral,and end up roaringin the black.Blinded by gas lamps.More fearful of the drowningthan I ever was of heights.


*seduces you with mediocre blogging abilities*

(Source: metallics, via ugly)


Getting bad again for no reason after you’ve been so happy for a long time is literally one of the worst feelings ever

(via meowtallica)

Bloody Stabbing Knife